I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
