I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
