um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
