im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
