4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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