i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
