she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
