I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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