i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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