I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Randomize
