The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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