when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
