Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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