So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
