You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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