There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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