I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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