i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
