guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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