She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
