Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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