I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
