i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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