also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
