The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
