Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
