Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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