no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
