I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
