You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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