I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
