No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
