kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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