Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Say something about gay babies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
