i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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