I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
