mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
