atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
