new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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