Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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