he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
