whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
