just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
