fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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