I'm gonna have a badass scar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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