I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Who did Billy Mays play for?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
