I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
