Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
