yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
