everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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