She said her name was "party"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
