"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
