Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
