No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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